January 27, 2011

Baby, you creepin' me out!

I've never been the one to oh and ahh and go crazy over babies or little children. In fact, they kinda creep me out! I have no idea what to do at them. So generally I just stare at them, and they stare back at me and we have a creepy staring party.

To illustrate what this would look like from the baby's perspective, here is a creepy picture of me:
This was after a few hours sleep.  Give me a break.

Don't go thinking I'm a baby hater, though! It's just that I've never had any experience with a baby or with many small children. They are foreign territory to me. Crazy unknown little versions of people who speak in a totally different language, make weird faces, and require things that I have no idea how to provide. Because of this, babies = intimidating.

I mean, imagine you were all of a sudden face to face with something totally unknown to you. Perhaps, say, a weird little baby thing like this:

Would you just run in there to hug and coddle that crazy eyed thing? Would you instantly want one for yourself? Because I'm sure that thing wants to eat your face right now, so you should at least be a little careful on your approach.

Anyway, enough rambling. Lesson here is that babies kinda scare me. I have no idea what to do with them and am not interested in making one any time soon. BUT! Wanna hear a fun story?

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I held a baby! A real human one! Not a sloth one! (that is what the face eater above is in case you were wondering.) Sure, one time when I was little they propped me up on a couch with pillows and then sat a baby on me, but this time was all arms and all me!

It was scary at first. I didn't expect her to be this moving, wriggling little thing, but after she settled in she mostly just stared at me and made weird baby faces (which I then made back at her). We had a nice time together, no one got dropped, and in the end...I maybe kind of liked it. I mean, normally babies are cute and all, but this little one has something special going on. I think her parents went to the best baby store and got the cutest model that genes can buy. Way too cute.

I told Brett about my baby expedition and he was very proud of me. But my family is, under any circumstance, to hear of this! It would only fuel their baby lust for my poor uterus! Just because I liked one, doesn't mean I want one.

So for now, I'm going to keep my enjoyment of that little baby to myself....and the interwebs... whoops...


  1. Ha! I just found your blog today and I am beyond pleased that this is the entry I stumbled upon. I am also...not so enamored with babies. I am always afraid I'm holding them wrong and the mom and everyone else in the room is judging me. This is one small way in which I feel I have genuine sympathy for dudes :)

  2. more blogs need to post pics of baby sloths. that being said, glad to hear the baby experience went so well!!!