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I've really been trying to keep perspective...perspective, perspective, perspective.
Here is an interesting story. One day, before our wedding, a mutual friend of ours was talking with Brett. I've always had a mixed relationship with this person - sometimes they are great to be around, sometimes they make me feel like an idiot. So, friend is talking with Brett and says, "No, I've never had anything against Jenna. Sometimes she can just be intimidating."
When Brett told this to me the next day, that line is where I stopped dead and couldn't move for a few minutes. Me? Intimidating? I don't think I would use that word to describe myself EVER. I think I'm the biggest pansy with so many insecurities that I couldn't intimidate a baby! But here this person is using that word to describe me. It blew my mind, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for days.
Wanna know the best part of this story? The person describing me as "intimidating"? Yeah, that is a person that I would describe as intimidating. Irony. We haz it.
Now, I've come across this a few other times in life where what someone thinks of me totally clashes with my version of myself or what I think of someone else seems to be the opposite of what they see in themselves. Once, someone called me arrogant because I didn't talk to them much. Again, my brian was saying, "WTF!? Here I am being shy and quiet and you think I'm arrogant!?"
How can my version of myself be so far off from what others see? Which one is true? Which one matters more? How do I reconcile the two? Is this real life!? Is this going to be forever?
In the end, I have no idea, but it helps to keep perspective in mind. To know that what I'm feeling may not come off that way to other people...so I have to be mindful of the vibes I put out. Because my shy, quiet, introverted personality has been interpreted as both arrogant and intimidating at different times.
Have you ever experienced this? How do you keep perspective?
People are totally weird. You know, I'm still friends with a couple of ladies I initially met in middle school. We were fairly solid friends in high school and even then, we were intimidated by each other. One day, I said to one of them, "God, you were always so insanely smart that I was practically terrified of you," and she said to me, "Really? I was scared of YOU because I thought you were impeccably hip and crafty." Then we had a good laugh (also: me? hip and crafty? huh?).
ReplyDeleteBottom line is, we can't control how people interpret us (of course, it's nice if they read good, complimentary things into us). It sucks to be read as intimidating and arrogant (being shy and introverted myself, I've had similar reactions from others), but if you were to try to alter your behavior so that you seemed more open and talkative, someone might then think you were annoyingly chatty. It's not worth it, because you're trapped at every angle.
Your true nature is the one that matters more. Keep going with that, and try not to worry about the rest. It's not likely that you'll really hang out or develop a relationship with the people who don't really "get" you, anyway.
Story. Of. My. Life.
ReplyDeleteI'm also shy and introverted and misinterpreted as snobby, arrogant, and thinking I'm perfect all the time :(
I'm not sure if this applies to you or not but one thing that was so, so hard for me to hear, but I've found to be true is that people who are shy tend to be very self-absorbed {Ouch} and self-conscious - thinking about themselves most of the time. It's not necessarily in an arrogant way but in a 'I'm not sure of myself. What do other people think of me?' kind of way. And I think that's why it can come off as being arrogant. So, I try to think of others instead, ask them about themselves, direct my attention outward, etc. It's easier said than done though. It's still hard for me.
Also, remember when you meet others, you may be misinterpreting the 'real' them too. That cranky man in the store or the crazy lady on the freeway probably are fairly nice people in 'real' life. They have their own insecurities and crap they're dealing with. Makes me have slightly less road rage with awful drivers.
And oh, that poor little kid! Anesthetics totally mess you up!
Lyn - It can be so crazy to think back to first impressions or what we thought of people a long time ago! I definitely agree that we can't control how people see us and that we really shouldn't worry that much about it. BUT I do want to be mindful of my vibes. It seems different... like one is caring too much about what people think where the other is just remembering to step outside ourselves sometimes. Did I make any sense of that!? lol
ReplyDeleteDavanie - very astute observation and yes...I'd unfortunately have to say that it's probably true. That is most definitely something I'm going to keep in mind now!
people are nutty. its like when you are shy and reserved and people think your snotty. people will always think what they think, we just have to prove them wrong (or right if its a complimentary thing they think about us!)
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