February 25, 2011

This is not a mix - so far behind

Sometimes (ok, lots of the time) I feel like I am miles and miles behind. Like the rest of the world is out there dominating and I'm a total slacker and failing at everything imaginable. (downer much?) I see people excelling and want to do the same, but there is no one thing that I excel at or am 'talented' at. Nothing in particular pulls me in any one direction. Instead, I have an interest in lots of things and am mediocre at most of them.

Most of this is my fault. I've never pushed myself to excel and then, when I try something and it doesn't go magnificently, I'm very harsh on myself. Don't we all wish to have that secret talent just waiting to explode out in all its glory? To be able to stand out in something?

This spans both personally and professionally. I feel like I'm behind where I should be. Of course, that begs the question where should I be? And I don't know. I've been trying to set goals for myself, find a direction I want to go, but I'm not sure where it is that I'd like to be.

This all leads me to feel like I'm having a quarter life crisis.

Me and you both, buddy!

Identity, career, friends, being an adult - its all bearing down on me! And I'm totally lost as to what I should be doing. I played the game and did ok, but now I feel like the game has let me down or has suddenly changed the rules without warning.

I think this is a common feeling among people my age. We were told about all these possibilities in life, how we could be anything we wanted to be. We played the game put in front of us - did that whole college thing, graduated and.... and then what?; Some of us got jobs. Some of these jobs were in our hopeful field while some were not. And now we are all feeling a bit of 'now what' syndrome. Is this what adulthood is? I'm pretty sure I was expecting something else and something more.

NPR has had a series (but I guess that's the only one I could find...) discussing these topics - all of which help me feel that I am not alone. Also, I've seen lots of talk around blogland that confirms we are not alone. No matter how down I get, that is a very key and very helpful thing to remember - it is normal.

Sorry to be a downer today with no music mix and instead just sharing my midlife crisis. But it is what it is and that's what you are getting, capish? Capish.

Oh, and happy friday!



  1. Oh, sister. You're singing my song. this is SO me. Let's get on that beer/coffee meetup.

    And I think you're incredibly rad and thoughtful.

    I guess I figure that I'll do what I can in the career stage, but not have it be my everything. And I'll work hard on the friend thing, but they're not my everything. And my relationship isn't my everything, nor is my weight or my clothes or any of those other things.

    All of those pieces together make a work-in-progress. Sometimes I count my blessings and sometimes I wallow (after a cruel dressing-room experience yesterday I'm wallowing) but either way I stabilize back at "just keep swimming". Yay Dory!

  2. Yes, I think we were part of the first generation who was told we could be whatever we wanted. But you know, some of us just don't know, some of us thought we knew and then we got it we realized it wasn't for us, some of us can't get a job in our field because there aren't an unlimited number of jobs available, etc.

  3. firstly, you rock. I know there must be things you not only would be good at but excel at! what do you like to do? what makes you happiest? those things will help you figure out your goals/long term plans! I work in a field I definitely did not go to school for but it still makes me happy. I like working with people and I am also a total spreadsheet nerd. you will find your calling or atleast something that makes you happy. I know it!