What does blogging mean to you?

via here

It's been radio silence over here for a while now.  I keep meaning to write but have only managed a few Mixtape Masters and fluff posts.  On one hand I think I may be having a midlife crisis (weeeee!), but on the other...I really just don't know what to do about this blog or what blogging now means to me.

Why do I want to write?  What do I want to write about?  Who am I writing for?

Why: Enjoyment?  Affirmation?*  Prospects of becoming rich and famous?  The first two definitely have something to do with it.  I'd also like to write more just to better hone my writing.  Also, come on, can't deny that we all love to talk about ourselves!  Hence the 'navel gazing' post tag that is probably going to get way too much use.

What:  I realized that I don't really share too much in blog land.  I write and blab, but I'm generally not good at sharing about my life.  I dunno why, but I should definitely share more about who I am and what I'm doing, yes?

Who am I writing for?  This was a big one for me to think about.  After switching blogs, my readership dropped dramatically.  Which is cool and all.  Just because people wanted to hear about my wedding biz doesn't mean they are interested in hearing me blab about my really average life biz.  But it definitely took away any of the accountability I felt to write for those followers, ya know?  I realized I had to be writing for myself first and foremost and that if I did that sincerely it would follow the whole Field O' Dreams mentality.

I'm going to continue writing and developing whatever voice I decide to be mine.  I need to be more conscious of my writing and take it more seriously.  No more "oh shit!  I gotta post!" followed by digital diarrhea.  Or at least less of that, yes?  Because sometimes the digital spew is all there is!

So, blog land.  What makes you write?  And what keeps you writing?  Who are you writing for?

Thanks and I'll see you around,
Jen

*While writing Me, Myself, and Bride and talking all about weddings, it was great to get affirmation.  To feel like its ok to be a bit crazy when planning a wedding and that I was not alone.  That sort of feedback is huge!  I will always be fond of wedding blogs because of it and always have warm fuzzies for fellow wedding blogger.

**Also, apologies for just one of way too many "omg, I promise to be a better blogger" posts.

Funkiest of Funks

image from estasketch

Ever find yourself in a complete and utter funk?  Yeah?  That's where I'm at now.  Just a total funk.  The funkiest of funks.  And it sucks.  I'm so done being in a funk, but I'm having a hard time finding my way out.  Is this a quarter life crisis?  I think that's the new trend for our generation.  We graduate, try to get jobs, and realize that it doesn't get easier after graduation.  Just more confusing.  Enter quarter life crisis.  Maybe I should buy that convertible.  Doesn't that solve the crisis?

I've really been trying to keep perspective...perspective, perspective, perspective.

Here is an interesting story.  One day, before our wedding, a mutual friend of ours was talking with Brett.  I've always had a mixed relationship with this person - sometimes they are great to be around, sometimes they make me feel like an idiot.  So, friend is talking with Brett and says, "No, I've never had anything against Jenna.  Sometimes she can just be intimidating."

When Brett told this to me the next day, that line is where I stopped dead and couldn't move for a few minutes.  Me?  Intimidating?  I don't think I would use that word to describe myself EVER.  I think I'm the biggest pansy with so many insecurities that I couldn't intimidate a baby!  But here this person is using that word to describe me.  It blew my mind, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for days.

Wanna know the best part of this story?  The person describing me as "intimidating"?  Yeah, that is a person that I would describe as intimidating.  Irony.  We haz it.

Now, I've come across this a few other times in life where what someone thinks of me totally clashes with my version of myself or what I think of someone else seems to be the opposite of what they see in themselves.  Once, someone called me arrogant because I didn't talk to them much.  Again, my brian was saying, "WTF!? Here I am being shy and quiet and you think I'm arrogant!?"

How can my version of myself be so far off from what others see?  Which one is true?  Which one matters more?  How do I reconcile the two?  Is this real life!?  Is this going to be forever?

In the end, I have no idea, but it helps to keep perspective in mind.  To know that what I'm feeling may not come off that way to other people...so I have to be mindful of the vibes I put out.  Because my shy, quiet, introverted personality has been interpreted as both arrogant and intimidating at different times.

Have you ever experienced this?  How do you keep perspective?