This is not a mix - so far behind

Sometimes (ok, lots of the time) I feel like I am miles and miles behind. Like the rest of the world is out there dominating and I'm a total slacker and failing at everything imaginable. (downer much?) I see people excelling and want to do the same, but there is no one thing that I excel at or am 'talented' at. Nothing in particular pulls me in any one direction. Instead, I have an interest in lots of things and am mediocre at most of them.

Most of this is my fault. I've never pushed myself to excel and then, when I try something and it doesn't go magnificently, I'm very harsh on myself. Don't we all wish to have that secret talent just waiting to explode out in all its glory? To be able to stand out in something?

This spans both personally and professionally. I feel like I'm behind where I should be. Of course, that begs the question where should I be? And I don't know. I've been trying to set goals for myself, find a direction I want to go, but I'm not sure where it is that I'd like to be.

This all leads me to feel like I'm having a quarter life crisis.

Me and you both, buddy!

Identity, career, friends, being an adult - its all bearing down on me! And I'm totally lost as to what I should be doing. I played the game and did ok, but now I feel like the game has let me down or has suddenly changed the rules without warning.

I think this is a common feeling among people my age. We were told about all these possibilities in life, how we could be anything we wanted to be. We played the game put in front of us - did that whole college thing, graduated and.... and then what?; Some of us got jobs. Some of these jobs were in our hopeful field while some were not. And now we are all feeling a bit of 'now what' syndrome. Is this what adulthood is? I'm pretty sure I was expecting something else and something more.

NPR has had a series (but I guess that's the only one I could find...) discussing these topics - all of which help me feel that I am not alone. Also, I've seen lots of talk around blogland that confirms we are not alone. No matter how down I get, that is a very key and very helpful thing to remember - it is normal.

Sorry to be a downer today with no music mix and instead just sharing my midlife crisis. But it is what it is and that's what you are getting, capish? Capish.

Oh, and happy friday!

Slainte,
Jen

Staying Put

Our dream has always been to move out west. Out west to mountains where we can ski one run continuously for more than 30 seconds! (Fun fact for the day: Lindsay Vohn grew up in Minnesota and spent her early years skiing here. Buck Hill. True, that is the wimpiest of wimpy ski hills we have... but it doesn't get that much better!)

Brett wanted to move right after graduating college, but whoops! He met some total hottie freshman who was so awesome and funny and smart and wonderful (Hi!) that he couldn't leave! So he stayed here for me, the dream crusher.  Then, four years later, I was graduating college and we again want to move out west.  I happened to land a bomb job that fit exactly with my major/minor combo it was ridiculous!  But crap, its here in Minnesota. Just keep crushing that dream!

So we held on to the idea. Brett was between jobs for a while, then we decided to get married and knew we should be here for the wedding, then Brett got a job, and so on and so on. Was our dream ever going to happen? Maybe its not our dream after all? Maybe we just have to wait for better timing? Maybe, maybe, maybe!

For the last two years I've felt in limbo. Wanting to move, bad timing, whatever - we weren't committed to being here, but we hadn't fully committed to moving west either. We were always humming and hawing back and forth about what we should do, unsure of what would be the best decision.  Limbo.

Well, we've decided to stay. Things are really great for us right here at this moment and there is so much that we can be doing and learning in our current jobs. Plus, we have those current jobs! For Brett, after just coming off partial unemployment, he is not anxious to go back to that in a new state.

So here we stay.

And I'm trying really hard to not look at that as a failure. To not feel disappointed. Instead, I want to focus on the opportunities we can make for ourselves here and how staying put is allowing us some more vacation opportunities this spring and summer.  *positive thoughts*

One friend of mine, who moved from Minnesota to Denver to Seattle told me, "I love coming home to see you guys, but if I stay for too long I start to miss it, so I try to keep my visits quick. If I moved home now, I'd feel like a failure."

Um.. 1) I'm still here and I didn't think I was a failure, so thanks?  2)  Whats with that? Why is the distance you move from home seen as a measure of success? Why can't we be successful and be living in our own home town? Is this a generational thing?

Either way, I'm trying to remain positive. Sure, its easiest to move when you are young and fresh out of school, but that doesn't mean we can't move later, right? We can do what works best for us now, and hope that sometime in the future moving will also work for us.

Right?  I'm hoping you all have positive words here to help feed my positive thoughts!

Peace all,
Jen

Kitties!!!

Blog land and cats seem to go hand in hand. Also, being awesome and beautiful, but that's besides the point. Cats. We have them. Want to meet them?

The first kitty we got is named Neko. Affectionately nicknamed Meow Meow, Fatso, Chub Chub, Chubba Wubba, Big One, or Kitty. She likes to eat (lots) and cuddle. Her favorite toys include a catnip mouse and string to pounce. Neko is a very vocal kitty who will spend hours watching out the window and chattering at birds. Neko likes boxes but sometimes can't quite fit into them...

:(  All boxes are many too small boxes for Neko

Um, and now I feel bad because that is the only picture I have access to of Neko at the moment!  Sorry, kitty!  She doesn't always look like a complete blob...

North is the second kitty we got when we decided that Neko would benefit from having a friend around. They do not get along. North's nicknames include Northington, Meow Meow, Little One, Child, and F*ing Cute Kitty! North's interests include being cute, prancing, finding trouble, and peeing on our bed when angry. His favorite toys include twisty ties and Neko. He would love to sleep on my face if I would let him.

North as a baby.  Gah!  That face just kills me!

North all growed up and looking quite handsome

I love them, my Big and Little Ones.  But through the experience of having cats have found out that I am still a dog person.

Mixtape Masters: Too Hot

I'm lacking a mix today, but I do have this little gem for you. Behold! Canadian-pop Alanis! (No worries. You can thank me later.)

Check out the other Mixtape Masters on these blogs! 

One Cat Per Person | Hi-Fi Weddings | Tylre. | Ten Thou Bride | Fashion Under 100 | Jo, Rooting | Craft My Life | another damn life | Savoir Weddings | Fancy Notion | Dead Flowers | Casa De Kaloi | Bunnies’n’Beagles | My San Francisco Budget Wedding | Existing Between Reality and Dreams | HitchDied | DJ Prof

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

This Thursday, I have a meeting with the graduate studies coordinator of a program I am considering. Yup! So that's the first news; I'm considering grad school.

Grad school was never on my radar before, but now, when I work at a university and get tuition benefits from said university, grad school is on my radar. I mean, come on, how could I pass up those benefits, right? So many people have told me that this is the 'right thing to do'. I told my mom I had this meeting and she ecstatic! Because 1) shes proud of me for being awesome (aw, thanks, mom!) and 2) that means I wouldn't be moving away in the next 2 years.

See, if I don't do grad school, we want to move. To mountains. Where we can ski in powder and have all sorts of adventures that just don't happen in flat, flat Minnesota. Also, because new places are fun and I want to go to there.

Or at least we've talked lots about moving. We are very indecisive and have no idea what to do with our lives. Move? Stay here and continue with our awesome jobs? Go to grad school? Buy a house?

One person oh so helpfully told me to make a pro/con list to decide what to do. Because obviously one side will clearly out weight the other? I don't think so. I made the pro con list and it looked something like this.

Moving West: Pro list
- mountains! (aka skiing opportunities so I can finally learn to ski powder/bumps/anything other than ice)
- won't be wishing, ten years down the road, that we had
- life experiences with new places and new people

Staying: Pro List
- we have jobs and health insurance
- could go to grad school
- security
- "there's always vacation"

In other words... moving west is what we WANT to do while staying and being adults is what we SHOULD do. Bah humbug!

Here is something that surprised me today, though. I was out to breakfast with some co-workers I had at a past University job. They are older, have been very successful in their careers, and are generally awesome. I completely respect their opinions and was hoping to get some advice with this dilemma from them. I told them I had this meeting with the grad school but was unsure what we wanted to do. They both, without missing a beat, said go for the wants and the fun. They sited my young age and told me how they had both done lots of fun things in their twenties but both wished they had really taken that leap and went for what they wanted.

Not what I was expecting, but hearing them say it made me feel excited. It made that little part of me say, "Yes! Exactly! Listen to them!" And now I think we should. I want to take that leap and not do the grown up thing and do the fun thing. The thing that may or may not be the best career choice but will probably be the best life choice.

So. Anyone got some cool communications and natural resource positions they want to give us out on the west coast?